Amigos

Firstly, I have a bone to pick:

"Then, though I prize my friends, I cannot afford to talk with them and study their visions, lest I lose my own."

Interestingly put, Emerson. Maybe its me, maybe the times have changed, but I don't Know that I would like to be friends with someone who treats me like a book "ha[s] [me] where [they] can find [me], but seldom use[s] [me]." ouch. I don't think that's what friendship is about. I am a teenager, to me, frienship is what its all about. I am friends with my family and enjoy their company daily, I bounce ideas off of my friends and use their thoughts to either negate or formulate my own opinions, without them, my views would remain unchallenged and I, uneducated and selfish. I am not ashamed that I spend the majority of my time in the compony of friends, I don't think its wrong. Emerson states that friendship should be something that you put on the shelf, and use when needed, but he also says the only way to have a friend is to be one. Well how are your so called friends supposed to reach you when they need you from the SHELF? I feel like he is contradicting himself all over the place, I mean is it just me? I thought friendship was a two way street. I don't doubt that this guy is a smarty pants, and I agree with him on so many other levels but I guess i just cannot see eye to eye with him here.


One of those other points where I agree with him is on the whole "only the good and new is heard by us" that idea that we put new friends on a pedestal that they are bound to fall off of. For my friendship project, i wanted to focus on having no expectations for a friendship. First I had to find someone who i had no previously concieved notions of, which was hard. But then I had not concieve any notions previously EVEN HARDER. Let me tell you that the only way to do this, was to choose someone who didn't fit the bill of people who i'd normally talk to because otherwise i either already knew them or already had opinions on them at least; someone who i normally wouldnt get along with. I then had to strike up conversation, and try not to like them very much. what a delimma. I can truly say this was the hardest thing ever, and in and of itself was probably a fail, because in order to even pick someone to do this with, i had to THINK about them, which is some sort of opinion.
basically, i picked someone who i didn't think too highly of, someone who couldn't dissapoint me. With him, i avoided (or attempted to avoid) any topics of gossip, and delve into the ever-intense topics of LIFE.
The experience tought me. This person is not my best friend, and they haven't failed any expectations because i tried not to make any. I suppose this is not exactly what emerson was talking about as it was someone who i wasn't randomly introduced to, but i managed to sort of prove emerson wrong. He said that "as soon as the stranger begins to intrude his partialities, his definitions, his defects into the conversation, it is all over" which was false. I prodded the person for partialities and defects, and was thankful to find them, to keep that stranger out of expectations. I wanted to do this because i believe that with my best friends, their faults don't make me hate them, when I learn their weaknesses i feel closer to them, rather than casting them off. But i guess ultimately the project was difficult to gauge. I couldn't really say that the person was a friend, because i kept them so far at bay as to not start to like them too much and put them on any sort of pedastal.
This was a toughy.

Natureee?

For whatever reason, I a was pretty opposed to Emerson's whole nature complex. I really couldn't tell you why either, I just instinctively resisted it for whatever reason; probably just the general dislike for the whole sappy thing. My "nature" experiment took me as far as the other side of the street. Edgy, I know. I live on the loverly island/peninsula/whatever you want to call it of Coronado. If challenged, I could go on and on about the benefits of the place I live, but I always feel like they are things taht I say more than actually believe. The fact is, there must be something I love about this place, to keep me commuting hours a day to a town thats pretty darn similar, and could easily have moved to years ago. Actually, my parents started talking more seriously about moving up to La Jolla, to make it easier on my mom who would be the school nurse on wed.'s and me who always complains about the drive. So it got me thinking: why am i so apposed to moving? theres the whole lived here forever thing, then theres the friends and nado clan, but there is somethign else.
so i did the unthinkable and went for a jog. (if you know me, then you understand how unthinkable this is as i am more of limper/lagger than a jogger)
I had no idea what to do for my nature thing. Wherever i go in this town there are people around. Focusing on nature and curling up inside my thoughts is not easy as I would much rather, listen to my ipod or check out the hot navy guys driving down ocean blvd. Instead i forced myself to ditch the ipod... and stare fixedly at the beach (which posed a bit of a navigation issue at times, as it turns out there are many people who enjoy the art of the jog [pronounced yog] which i will never understand) Long story short, what ended up happening was me stopping at one of the uglier parts of the beach. Right over the sewer type realease thing that happens to be a nice place to sit; a high cement block over looking the ocean if you look straight, or sewage if you look down.
So i sat there, and I tried to be somber and epic- i tried to think of things that depressed me but something about the constant crash of the waves. or the way the salty air clung to my hair just wouldnt allow it. I was thinking of nature all wrong. The deep calm that comes over doesnt have to be a deprssing or somber thing, it think tahts why i initially resisted the idea. I realized that there was a simple joy, and almost elation that i recieved from watching rats with wings dropping clams on the rocks. The more I sat, the more I started to feel attatched and blended with the nature. I became less connected to the passerbys, less conscious of the fact that i looked like a total loner, and more in tune with my dangling feet. the way the sun glinted off the ocean and the smell of salty old mussles. It all sounds so cliche, but i guess there is no escaping the beauty of nature, no matter how much you resist.