Amigos

Firstly, I have a bone to pick:

"Then, though I prize my friends, I cannot afford to talk with them and study their visions, lest I lose my own."

Interestingly put, Emerson. Maybe its me, maybe the times have changed, but I don't Know that I would like to be friends with someone who treats me like a book "ha[s] [me] where [they] can find [me], but seldom use[s] [me]." ouch. I don't think that's what friendship is about. I am a teenager, to me, frienship is what its all about. I am friends with my family and enjoy their company daily, I bounce ideas off of my friends and use their thoughts to either negate or formulate my own opinions, without them, my views would remain unchallenged and I, uneducated and selfish. I am not ashamed that I spend the majority of my time in the compony of friends, I don't think its wrong. Emerson states that friendship should be something that you put on the shelf, and use when needed, but he also says the only way to have a friend is to be one. Well how are your so called friends supposed to reach you when they need you from the SHELF? I feel like he is contradicting himself all over the place, I mean is it just me? I thought friendship was a two way street. I don't doubt that this guy is a smarty pants, and I agree with him on so many other levels but I guess i just cannot see eye to eye with him here.


One of those other points where I agree with him is on the whole "only the good and new is heard by us" that idea that we put new friends on a pedestal that they are bound to fall off of. For my friendship project, i wanted to focus on having no expectations for a friendship. First I had to find someone who i had no previously concieved notions of, which was hard. But then I had not concieve any notions previously EVEN HARDER. Let me tell you that the only way to do this, was to choose someone who didn't fit the bill of people who i'd normally talk to because otherwise i either already knew them or already had opinions on them at least; someone who i normally wouldnt get along with. I then had to strike up conversation, and try not to like them very much. what a delimma. I can truly say this was the hardest thing ever, and in and of itself was probably a fail, because in order to even pick someone to do this with, i had to THINK about them, which is some sort of opinion.
basically, i picked someone who i didn't think too highly of, someone who couldn't dissapoint me. With him, i avoided (or attempted to avoid) any topics of gossip, and delve into the ever-intense topics of LIFE.
The experience tought me. This person is not my best friend, and they haven't failed any expectations because i tried not to make any. I suppose this is not exactly what emerson was talking about as it was someone who i wasn't randomly introduced to, but i managed to sort of prove emerson wrong. He said that "as soon as the stranger begins to intrude his partialities, his definitions, his defects into the conversation, it is all over" which was false. I prodded the person for partialities and defects, and was thankful to find them, to keep that stranger out of expectations. I wanted to do this because i believe that with my best friends, their faults don't make me hate them, when I learn their weaknesses i feel closer to them, rather than casting them off. But i guess ultimately the project was difficult to gauge. I couldn't really say that the person was a friend, because i kept them so far at bay as to not start to like them too much and put them on any sort of pedastal.
This was a toughy.

Natureee?

For whatever reason, I a was pretty opposed to Emerson's whole nature complex. I really couldn't tell you why either, I just instinctively resisted it for whatever reason; probably just the general dislike for the whole sappy thing. My "nature" experiment took me as far as the other side of the street. Edgy, I know. I live on the loverly island/peninsula/whatever you want to call it of Coronado. If challenged, I could go on and on about the benefits of the place I live, but I always feel like they are things taht I say more than actually believe. The fact is, there must be something I love about this place, to keep me commuting hours a day to a town thats pretty darn similar, and could easily have moved to years ago. Actually, my parents started talking more seriously about moving up to La Jolla, to make it easier on my mom who would be the school nurse on wed.'s and me who always complains about the drive. So it got me thinking: why am i so apposed to moving? theres the whole lived here forever thing, then theres the friends and nado clan, but there is somethign else.
so i did the unthinkable and went for a jog. (if you know me, then you understand how unthinkable this is as i am more of limper/lagger than a jogger)
I had no idea what to do for my nature thing. Wherever i go in this town there are people around. Focusing on nature and curling up inside my thoughts is not easy as I would much rather, listen to my ipod or check out the hot navy guys driving down ocean blvd. Instead i forced myself to ditch the ipod... and stare fixedly at the beach (which posed a bit of a navigation issue at times, as it turns out there are many people who enjoy the art of the jog [pronounced yog] which i will never understand) Long story short, what ended up happening was me stopping at one of the uglier parts of the beach. Right over the sewer type realease thing that happens to be a nice place to sit; a high cement block over looking the ocean if you look straight, or sewage if you look down.
So i sat there, and I tried to be somber and epic- i tried to think of things that depressed me but something about the constant crash of the waves. or the way the salty air clung to my hair just wouldnt allow it. I was thinking of nature all wrong. The deep calm that comes over doesnt have to be a deprssing or somber thing, it think tahts why i initially resisted the idea. I realized that there was a simple joy, and almost elation that i recieved from watching rats with wings dropping clams on the rocks. The more I sat, the more I started to feel attatched and blended with the nature. I became less connected to the passerbys, less conscious of the fact that i looked like a total loner, and more in tune with my dangling feet. the way the sun glinted off the ocean and the smell of salty old mussles. It all sounds so cliche, but i guess there is no escaping the beauty of nature, no matter how much you resist.

Giftyyss

According to Emerson, the only gifts worth giving are the ones made by hand by the giver. It does feel great and real to receive a hand made gift: something that the person put obvious effort and thought into, to make something specifically for you through their own sweat and tears. But the fact that society has changed since the days of Emerson still stands. Maybe when the world was wrought with little Emersons and daughters it was average for people to have jobs like miners and sailors but its more common these days that people work in office buildings or on computers... so what does the cubicle worker bring as a gift? a stapler? a spreadsheet? it doesn't work the same way as the girl who sews a handkerchief by hand or the miner who handcrafts a gem for someone they care about. Today a person works hard for the money they earn, with that they may buy you a gift that they see fit for you, something they have thought about and that they feel you would enjoy, more than anything they are capable of making.
But on the other hand, there are the times when someone just buys something mindlessly, like a gift card. They are such common gifts these days, but the fact is that there is very little thought behind a gift card, it tends to take away the feeling behind a gift.
According to Emerson, gifts should be received without emotion. This too contradicts what we know today. If one were to not acknowledge their excitement upon opening up a gift, the giver would most likely be rather disappointed. Why must a person hide their feelings of excitement when the giver has spent time and energy preparing this for you, they have done it to see your excitement- and you are depriving them of that reward.
One gift that I find especially rewarding is when someone makes an album of photos for me, with commentary. Because I like receiving these, I chose to make one for my dad on his 50th birthday. It was a lot of work to get pictures of his childhood, all without him knowing. But in the end, after all of the work and time I put in, it ended up being something that he really enjoyed. My grandmother once sewed a pillow depicting the pink power ranger (my favorite at the time) which I found to be a very Emersonian gift. She chose something she knew I'd like, and gave me her time and love built into the pillow, something I could use to relax. Not only this, but the gift reminds me of how she is always there to comfort soothe.
If I were to completely switch my lifestyle in the ways of gift giving and receiving to make myself completely emersonian, i imagine that i might upset a good amount of people. There'd be times when I might make a gift for someone, and they would think I was cheap, but I think the most prominent problem would be that of the non-emotion: not showing delight when opening a gift. The giver would be hurt and confused.

Reliance of the Selfish Variety

I definitely chose the most common quote: "What i must do, is all that concerns me, not what the people think." This is a popular quote for a reason. It communicates a transcendental truth: you do what you gotta do for yourself. Its the only one that really jumped out at me in reading through the list of given quotes, probably because it is nearest to simple terms- easiest to understand. But I also feel like theres a possibility that it jumped out at me because it seems especially relevant to me right now. Up until rather recently this quote has been one of those concepts- those quote-able,noble truths that you just toss into conversation where its appropriate because it sounds good, rather than because its something you truly understand.

Now, to take this epic quote and relate it to something that seems so incredibly trivial ( I feel like a scoundrel doing this, but... I must so..) : High school. OK so yes, this is Emerson, but in order for me to understand what he says, I need to relate it to something I have experienced, High school. High school is crazy, people joke about it and capitalize off it with movies like "mean girls" etc. They say its the greatest time of your life, but there are times what it definitely does not feel that way. That quote sounds so concrete and obvious: do what you need to and if its what you truly must do, then everything will work out. (that's how i read it at least). Easier said than done, Emerson. There is a whole lot of people pleasing high-school politics that we need to take into account here, you piss off the wrong people and you are done-zo, my friend. Its like "Project Runway", "one day your in, the next day your OUT"... there's not tip-toeing around it. The fact is you can never make everyone happy: "You can make all of the people happy, some of the time, and some of the people happy all of the time, but you can never make all of the people happy all of the time" (those quote marks were pointless because theres no way thats a direct quote but... thats how I remember it) Anyway, direct or not the point is the same. Its impossible to please everyone- all you can do is live life in a way that makes you proud. If you are always doing what you must, then you have nothing to be ashamed of, and you are essentially defending yourself, by giving your enemies nothing to attack. It by no means says that you will never mess up, everyone does, but when you do, you need to face it. Take responsibility and do what you must to fix it. People will try to drag you down, but they'll have nothing on you. If nothing else, at least you can look in the mirror at the end of the day with self respect and pride in what you see. Chances are, if you can do this, others will have respect for you as well.

Its so hard not to be blinded by your few enemies, for whatever reason they tend to overshadow your numerous friends and supporters. Accepting that there will be some people who just plain don't like you for no good reason is the hardest thing to do. But it is necessary - give up on trying to please them because you are not being true to yourself, if you can keep your conscience happy, you are on the right track.